piplover | (no subject)

I talked to a friend the other day in AZ. She was telling me the latest gossip and what's been going on with the guys I used to serve with. I never thought I would miss being in the Army so much, but I do. Those last few months I was in I couldn't wait to get out, and now I look back on it and think, it really wasn't that bad.
I miss the lifestyle, and I miss my friends. I miss being a part of something bigger than myself. I regret not going to Iraq with my unit. Those were my friends buddies over there. I was a senior operator, which means I had a lot more experience than most. I don't know if there was anything I could have done, if I could have made life a little better, but I will always regret not going. I don't know what that says about me.
The military was such a large part of my life. It changed me forever, in ways that I can't explain. Some days I wake up and don't want to do anything, like nothing I do will make a difference. And yes, I was only a radio operator in the military, but I was part of something that was making a difference. And no matter my point of view on the war or what my thoughts on politics, I was proud of what I was doing and what I had accomplished.
Some days, I regret, with all my heart, getting out, and wish I had had the balls to suck it up and stay in.
Maybe one day I can look back and not think of myself as a shirker. Maybe one day, I will be part of something again.
I miss my friends.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Pip, I understand the longing to be "part of something bigger than myself". I truly do. But maybe you need to go back in your LJ and read your posts from your time in the Army. To me, you sounded utterly, miserably unhappy. You might be only remembering the good times, and the cameraderie, and not the rest.

As to being part of something... do it! Volunteer to help build houses for people, or see what needs doing in your local food bank, or become part of a nature conservation project, or find Tolkien 'meet up groups' in your area, or Scrabble fiends, or whatever else floats your boat. Is there a local USO? Ham radio lovers? See if you can take *any* action, no matter how small it seems, to try to find yourself again.

*hugs and loves*

It's only natural to miss your friends, and what you were accomplishing. But you are no shirker--just look back at your own LJ entries from that time to remind yourself, there were some real health reasons you needed to get out.

((((((hugs))))))

And you have every right to be proud of what you did while you *were* in!

I did seventeen and a half years in the Air National Guard -- missed going to the first Iraq war by two weeks, because they decided they didn't need us. But when the asthma got too bad for me to be world-wide deployable I got early retirement. Which I didn't want, but honest truth, was probably best for both me and my unit. I wasn't healthy enough to do the work (I'm still not.) Not in a combat environment.

Granted, most of the people I knew are probably out by now, but there are times when I find myself dreaming my way into uniform, heading to the unit, doing the job that I knew I was good at.

There are a lot of good things that being in the military gave to me, and I'm grateful for them. One of them was the ability to understand what good training was, and how having a good plan makes the difference in a disaster. Take your skills to your local red cross. They need you.

sorry, that was me. Lately livejournal keeps kicking me out.