All Things Sad Become Untrue

And then I'd be utterly forced to drivel on relentlessly and ruin poor Ricardo's day. The unrelenting confusion would drive him from the customer service sector and - yes, sadly - into a life of monastic solitude. He would change his name to Pierre and seclude himself in a garret just outside Bordeaux where he would subsist on excellent cheese and subpar tequila for the rest of his days.

Poor Ricardo. He had such a bright future once he got over that unfortunate lisp and persistent halitosis.
Bronwyn