All Things Sad Become Untrue

Thing and I talked today, and we both agreed that things probably aren't going to change in a month.  So we officially broke up.  We still want to be friends, and I'm hoping that since we were only dating for 3 months it won't be hard to do that.  Still.  I really liked him, and it was nice to be liked in turn.  

I think I'm going to have a few drinks, put in a movie, and try to forget the world for a while.  I've had a migraine the past two days, and I'm pretty tired of the world right now.  Sorry if I'm not around for a bit, but I think I need to feel sorry for myself for at least a few days before I try to bounce back.  

(((HUGS)))

You all take care

Soooo... note to self. When taking your anti-anxiety meds? Be prepared to spend the next day as a zombie, ok? Because apparently the doctor thinks that the best way to stop a panic attack is to have me unconscious!

Took my pill last night around 11.  Woke up at 8:45 so I could have lunch with Thing 1, who's lunch is at 10.  (He starts at 6.)  I could barely walk!  I probably shouldn't have been driving, but my brain was too zombiefied to realize that it would have been smarter to just call him, let him know I was brain dead, and go back to sleep.  I came back, laid back down, and woke up around 2.   

Brraaiiinnnssss...

I am feeling better, though.  I was actually able to do laundry and even made some chocolate chip cookies.  But honestly, it took me most of the day to get out of the brain fog that was wrapped around me.  

Not looking forward to work tomorrow, but that's just because it's my Monday.  Sigh.  

Hey, everyone. Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I was super busy 4th of July weekend and then work kind of got crazy. Today I spent with Boy-who-I-am-dating and basically zooming around the city shopping.

Got my new glasses in today, yay! I look way cool, for a geek, and I can see again!

Not much happening. Work is going good, so I'm still hoping to be converted to a regular instead of a seasonal. Although it's not what I want to do with the rest of my life, it is a good paying job and the people are really great. So, here's hoping I can keep kicking butt and they decide they want to keep me.

Have been fighting depression the past few days. Even though everything is going well and there really isn't a reason, I've been sinking slowly again. Gar. I have a doctor's appointment next week and hopefully we'll figure something out. Had a bunch of lab work done and it turns out I have a Vitamin D deficiency, which probably explains a lot.  I plan on spending as much time as I can stand outside in the sunshine tomorrow.  It's been in the 100s F, though, so I may just have to settle for taking a supplement. 

The big thing for me, I guess, is that I'm actually dating again.  And I'm not sure how I'm handling it.  I think this may also be part of the depression.  I've been alone for so long that I'm having trouble just letting go and having fun when we go out.  It's almost like - like I have to learn how to trust again.  Does that make sense?  

I do enjoy spending time with Boy and doing things with him, but I think he wants to go faster than I do.  Not sex, but relationship wise.  He asked me to spend the night at his place next week, but we've only really been dating for two weeks or so.  That's - really pretty quick.  I told him I'd have to think about it, because I don't want to rush anything and at this point, I'm having enough trouble processing the thought that I actually have someone to do stuff with and to flirt with.  

My dating skills are rusty, sigh. 

Ok, tired now and heading to bed.  Sorry if this was a little off.  I took some meds that seemed to creep up on me as I was typing and now my brain is foggy.  You all take care, talk to you later.  

*Hugs*

Hello, all.  Sorry I haven't got back to those of you who responded to my poetry, I'll do that tomorrow.  Today was the first full day of work, and I actually got asked out on a date!!!!  This is probably the first date I've been on since, oh, 2007.  0_o.   Yay, me!  I don't think it will go anywhere, he's 8 years younger than me, which is just a bit too young.  Still, he was fun and he's an ex marine, plus he's pretty cute, and I got a kiss out of it.  Also, work is fun and not brain numbingly boring, so yay for that!  This month is turning out to be awesome!  Now I'm off to bed.  Talk to you tomorrow!

I just recieved an email from my ex-fiance. The first time I heard from him since we broke up in August. It made me realize how far I have come, and how, even though I love him still, it is time for me to move on with my life. I can't be there for him like he needs me to, and he can't be here for me. Things have happened between us that at this moment are just too much for us to handle. But we are still friends, even if it will be hard for a bit.
Also today, I caught up on my car payments, got insurance for said car, and made a payment on my credit card. Go me!
My brother and I should be moving into the new apartment sometime between now and the 1st of Nov. I'm getting excited to have a place mostly to myself. Brother is a little cranky that I want cable tv, lol, but I told him if he pays for the internet I'll pay for the cable. I love him to death, but he can be so cheap!
Anyway, I just wanted to poke my head up and let you all know I'm still alive. Today was a good day, all in all.
Take care everyone, I'm thinking of you!
Hugs!

In two weeks I will be out of the Army. A civillian once more. What an amazing, scary, and thrilling thought. I have learned so many things while in the service, not just about myself, but about the nature of people as well.
I have learned that I can do things I never thought possible, things I was always too afraid or too embarrased to try.
I learned the only limiting factor in my life is myself, and how I go about dealing with problems that arise is all up to me.
I have also learned to take pride in whatever it is that I'm doing, whether it be to pull weeds out of the cracks in the sidewalk for three hours straight, or walk guard duty for eight hours on a cold winter night.
I have worn my uniform proudly for the past three years, and I admit freely that I will miss it. It will be odd to not put on my uniform in the morning, to not have to be at formation first thing after I wake.
I will also miss the sound of Taps being played each night. I remember at Basic, lying in bed and wondering how I could survive one more day, and hearing those notes played outside our windows. How it gave me strength and courage to keep going.
To many people, the people who serve our nation are figure seen on the news, flashes of a face which holds little meaning other than an icon to be proud of. But for me....
My Company is deploying in the next few months. People I know and love and care for are going to be going to Iraq, and I would give almost anything to go with them. Yes, I am happy to be getting out, but at the same time I feel an intense sadness that I won't be there to experiance with them all that they will go through.
I have so many memories of friends and people I have worked with. Memories of five people crammed into a little shelter on a cold Korean night, trying to stay warm and laughing at little things. Of yelling at those same people when I discovered that someone had emptied almost a full can of Mountain Dew into my helmet, and I had to hold it against the heater for an hour and then have sticky hair for a week afterword.
I remember setting up a Christmas tree in my room with my roomate and a friend from my Platoon, and all the fun we had in decorating it.
And I remember walking a well worn path on guard duty with my best friend late into the night, so cold that even wearing five layers of clothing we were both nearly frozen.
I have met so many people, from so many backgrounds. People I never would have met or even associated with before I joined. I have fallen in love with a wonderful man, made friends that I will certainly keep for life, and shared adventures and hardships with people I have barely even met.
It will be very hard for me to leave the service, even though I know its time.
In my heart I honestly believe that everyone should serve their country, whether it be in the service or through volunteer work. This is a great nation that we live in. Despite what your political views may be, despite how you may feel about current events, the fact remains that this country is unique, and everything should be done to keep it strong.
I know, with every fiber of my being, that even though I take my uniform off for the last time in a few weeks, I shall still rise when I hear the National Anthem, shall still salute our flag as it passes, shall still cry when I hear the sound of Taps played at a funeral.
Becuase I have served with wonderful people, and know that I have followed in the footsteps of true heroes.
For myself, and all those who will be going into harms way, please, say a prayer and let them know that they are being thought of. Becuase I can tell you from experiance, when you are far away from home, it is very esay to forget that there are people who give a damn.
I have been privaleged to be part of the largest family in America. And for that, I do not regret one moment, one day, or one drop of blood that I have shed.
My only wish is that I could have done more.

What a wonderful weekend this has turned out to be. Eladio came in on Friday and for the first time in a long time I actually slept. It was wonderful to know that he is safe and out of harm's way, that he is with me. When I saw him in the airport I ran into his arms and we held each other for at least five minutes. The people around us must have thought we were crazy, with me crying and him laughing and holding me. But I didn't care. I held my darling for the first time in over a year, and have not been so happy in a long, long time.
I don't want to go to work tomorrow, because I won't see him until after 5. Sigh. Oh, well. We just have to make do with the time we do have together. And we have had a splendid weekend. Watching movies, shopping, and just being together.
It has been a litle hard some times, since it has been so long since the last time we saw each other, and he is having some trouble adjusting to being out of Iraq. Everytime we watch tv and thye mention the war on tv he gets really uncomfortable and usually heads out to smoke a cigarette. I hope that soon he can put it behind him.
At least, for the next few weeks at least, I can comfort him, and be there for him when he needs me. And to know that he is safe... I pray each night that he stays that way. It will be so hard once he leaves, since it will probably be another year before we see each other again. All we can do is our best... and hope it is still enough.
Take care, all, and I will talk to you all later. Good night.

Hello, all!
Well, my computer is finally fixed, for good this time. We ended up completely redoing the hard drive, so I lost a lot of stuff. Gayalondiel, I really hope that you got my email with the new story. If not, I guess I'll just have to try and re write it, since I lost a lot of my stories. But at least my computer has quite shutting itself off.
As of tomorrow, I'll be in the field, for about 10 days. So if you don't hear from me, once more :( , it's because I'm in the middle of nowhere playing soldier. Sigh.
Anyway, take care, all of you, and I'll try and write again soon.
Also, my fiance is coming to visit on the 4th (does happy dance and squees!) so I will also be rather, um, occupied until he leaves, snicker. I will still be on, just not that much.
I will be thinking of you, take care.
Loves!

Just so everyone knows, I refuse to be used, by anyone. I am so pissed right now, i just don't know what to do. I don't want to go into it, but I am so fucking tired of being hurt and used by people who I thought loved me. My fiance is a butthead.
*Nods head decidedly*

Can anyone offer any advice on how to deal with a breaking heart? My fiance, at least I think he is still my fiance, just sent me a very hasty email telling me that he's sorry for being a nuisance and hopes he didn't interfere with my life too much.
I love him with all my heart, but I don't know what to do. He wrote it because I pushed an issue that we have been debating for some time. I won't say anymore on that.
I just don't know what to do. My heart feels shattered, and I don't think I can keep going if he breaks up with me. I just hate this long distance! I hate that I can't be there for him when he needs me, because I know he is hurting and lonely and scared. I wish I were in Iraq right now so I could be at least on the same continent as him.
But for now, all I can do is write him back and ask him not to chuck our whole relationship. I just don't know what to do. I feel broken.