(no subject)

I talked to a friend the other day in AZ.  She was telling me the latest gossip and what's been going on with the guys I used to serve with.  I never thought I would miss being in the Army so much, but I do.  Those last few months I was in I couldn't wait to get out, and now I look back on it and think,  it really wasn't that bad. 
I miss the lifestyle, and I miss my friends.  I miss being a part of something bigger than myself.  I regret not going to Iraq with my unit.  Those were my friends buddies over there.  I was a senior operator, which means I had a lot more experience than most.  I don't know if there was anything I could have done, if I could have made life a little better, but I will always regret not going.  I don't know what that says about me. 
The military was such a large part of my life.  It changed me forever, in ways that I can't explain.  Some days I wake up and don't want to do anything, like nothing I do will make a difference.  And yes, I was only a radio operator in the military, but I was part of something that was making a difference.  And no matter my point of view on the war or what my thoughts on politics, I was proud of what I was doing and what I had accomplished. 
Some days, I regret, with all  my heart, getting out, and wish I had had the balls to suck it up and stay in. 
Maybe one day I can look back and not think of myself as a shirker.  Maybe one day, I will be part of something again. 
I miss my friends.