Kelly's amusing day at work. (Seriously)

[piplover]

Well, today was actually quite and interesting day. It began with a 3 am wake-up call, letting me know that formation had been moved from 630 to 400 and that I had better be there 10 minutes prior. I just came from Korea, where this happens all the time, so I just jumped in the shower, dressed, ate, and got there about 20 minutes early, just to be on the safe side. And the gate to the motor pool was locked.
We sat around talking and being silly, and then had formation at aproximately the right time. 430.
Then we sat around some more, moved some vehicles from one spot to another, and then sat. Then the convoy started. At 730.
By now, you might think I would be grumpy, but I was actually having a good time. Like I said, I like convoys, even if you have to put up with a lot of b.s. to get them moving.
The first serial started out, then my serial about 15 minutes later. And this was the funny part. I don't think we managed to get above 30mph until about 20 miles down the highway. Where the speed limit was 65. The poor civilians driving past us must have hated us!
So, at 50 miles later, we go to our turn-around spot and a giant semi hauling cars pulls right out in front of us, running a stopsign and everything.
And then he stopped. Right in the middle of our convoy. With about seven of our vehicles still in the middle of the highway!
I think I started laughing at that point.
Then we finally got back to the motor pool, and I was sent to drive in the third serial.
Let it be known that at this point, almost all of the drivers have fallen asleep at the wheel on the highway. Me included. Something about the CO2 level in the vehicles and the hum of the motors, and vibrations, just makes a person sleepy. That and most of us only got about 3 hours of sleep.
The third serial went even slower than the first! Lucky for us we only went about 60 miles. Then had to wait 10 minutes for fuel when we got back. Then had to move to a different fuel spot. Then were told that we couldn't get fuel there. Then put all the vehicles, without fuel, back on line.
For those of you who stuck this account out, sorry it was so long, but today was just one of those days where you have to laugh. Like I said, it was amusing, and all in all showed me just how much we have to learn before we get deployed. That is NOT and amusing thought.
But 30? On the highway?

Comments

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

My last Air National Guard unit was a combat communications squadron so we convoyed on a fairly regular basis. At least twice a year the whole squadron would be on the move, once to go to our deployment site and then back, and individuals might get tapped to drive two or three times a year besides that. Since I learned to drive a stickshift in a deuce-and-a-half, you can bet I preferred the five tons. It's really mortifying to be stuck halfway up the Bourne Bridge (which leads to Cape Cod) because every time you try to get into first gear the truck and the tow start rolling back into the summer tourist traffic.

It always takes a while to get a convoy up to speed, because if you're doing it right, you're checking your speed to the person behind you, and the last truck always seems to be the truck with the problems. I hope you guys had your flashers on when you were under the minimum speed limit!

If your unit isn't used to convoys, maybe no one's told you that on the interstate the roadside markers are set at the right distance apart for convoys to travel. The interstates were built for the US military, and that one little feature has managed to survive fifty years of mucking about.

The most interesting convoy I was ever in was driving back from Cape Cod in a blizzard. You would not believe what the civilians pulled. Damn near white out conditions, we've got five people piled in the cab of the 5ton, because it's too cold for anyone to ride in the back, and all five of us are watching the road like hawks because the driver can only see one side and the guy on the passenger window is keeping us from going off the road. And the civvies are passing us! And when they've managed to get far enough in front of us, they see that the truck in front has left a slightly clearer pair of wheeltracks so the bobos bring themselves over into our lane, so close in front of the truck that we literally can't see their cars over the hood of the 5ton until they inch forward a little. By the time we got back to our unit, not one of us could get out of the truck without help because our knees had gone to goo.

[piplover.livejournal.com]

Oh, my! Civilians can be so crazy sometimes!
I did not know that about the markers on the road!That is totally awesome! Wow! I mean, that is really cool! I don't know why I found that so fascinating, but I do!
I just worry that we won't be ready to deploy in November, where eveything you do in Iraq is mounted. And we were just told today that more than likely we will be going to a combat zone. Sigh.
Oh, well. The more we do this, hopefully the better we shall get, and not resemble a circus so much, lol!

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

Convoy spacing may be different in a combat area. (The reason its distance based and not time based is because only one truck at a time should be in a target zone.) Make sure to ask the question, your sergeants ought to know what the standard distance is for the area you're going to. If I remember right, the markers are 100 feet apart, so if you're meant to practice that distance or any multiple of it you can use them to learn how "big" the truck in front of you and behind you should look.

You'll be ready by November. It isn't that hard to learn if you practice it pretty often. Remember, we were a bunch of Guardsmen, and I only put on the pretty green suit once a month and for two weeks in the summer, and ten years later I still remember how it's done. My sergeant put a lot of emphasis on that "responsible for the truck behind you" rule because he'd been in Vietnam, and he said that guys who didn't pay attention would leave half a convoy under fire while they went blissfully back to base. I got the impression he lost a couple of good friends that way.

You should also mention the sleepiness problem if there's someone who'll listen -- particularly if you don't have the option of going to bed earlier the night before a convoy. You shouldn't be trying to learn this shit in a state of exhaustion -- you need to practice it till it's closer to automatic before you try doing it under stress. Maybe it's just an AirForce attitude (or a Guardsman attitude, with all those cops, firemen and EMTs in my unit) but the point of training is to prevent accidents not whittle down your manpower by asking for them. Particularly since you are practicing on a public highway, and if you have an accident its likely to include some lackbrained civilian who decided to shift lanes two inches from your fender. I've seen a truck and tow flip into a ditch and it's no fun. Those tin cab roofs won't protect you from damn thing if you haven't got a high load in the truckbed.

And while I don't know of any cure for the noise or vibration (we always drove with our earplugs or headsets on) you shouldn't have a fume problem. Not if your maintenance guys are doing the job, anyway.

*blinks, looks at above rant, shrugs*

Opinionated, aren't I? ;)

[piplover.livejournal.com]

Lol, but very true! We did bring up the sleepiness problem, but the decission to bring us in earlier was from the same man who mandated that we were not to have more than 4 hours of sleep in the field for 2 weeks. No more than 4 hours a night for two weeks straight, because he wanted us to be sleep deprived. That's why one guy had a heart attacke, because he couldn't take his meds, and then another friend of mine blew her knee because she was so tired she fell off a truck because she got dizzy.
Apparently he wants us to "train as we fight." Doesn't fighting usually involve getting shot at? I wonder if he is going to start firing at us in the next field problem.
As for the trucks, the exahst system comes right into our cabs. It is part of the heater. All that CO2 is being blown in our face, but because the only covering is canvas, they figure we'll be ok.
Not.
I always get really sleepy when I ride in a hummer, and that is why our faces are always gritty when we get out.
I do think that we were going so slow to keep an eye on the trucks behind us, but it was stil rather funny, becuase we had like 17 trucks, and it took us forever!

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

He wants you to be sleep deprived? While you are learning something new, or practicing something unfamiliar? With large vehicles? On a public highway?! What a fuckwit!

What the hell state did you say you were stationed in? I've got relations in most of the lower forty-eight, and I don't appreciate the thought of learning that one of my cousin's kids got killed because some asshole hasn't got a basic understanding of the safety rules.

[piplover.livejournal.com]

Arizona. And yeah, he is a fuckwit. He's also our 1st Sgt, so that none of us can really say anything. We argued against it, but we're just dumb E-4s and below, and he shot down our sgts. So we just go with the flow.
Or, as the Army says, "Suck it up and drive on."
I think my cheeks are about to implode from sucking.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

He's not even an officer?!

*uses parts of her vocabulary she hasn't used in years*

Right. I'm going to send a little e-mail to my second cousin in Tucson now. If you see a little gray Beetle avoiding your convoy like the plague, you'll know why.

[piplover.livejournal.com]

I would highly suggest you send an email to everyone you know in Tuscon, and tell them to beware! Because we have been warned that this was just a warmup and we'll be doing it again soon.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

http://www.tradoc.army.mil/BeSafe/besafehomepage.htm

Read it. Point it out to your sergeants. Hell, point it out to your lieutenants if any of them can pour piss out their boots without instructions printed on the heel. There may be a medal in it for you.

[piplover.livejournal.com]

I think they showed us that last safety day! But like I said, it's already been addressed, and he shot everyone down. All we can do is try and point it out again, and send in the lowest ranking of us to bitch at the Sgt Major. Then he can bitch at the Col, and then maybe something will get done. I say send in the lowest ranking because whoever goes in there will probably be busted down to private.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

Maybe you can get a print copy of the pamphlet and shove it under his door. Or someplace else dark...

*I'd forgotten I even knew some of the words I've been using tonight!*

[piplover.livejournal.com]

Lol! The Army tends to have that effect on people.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

*chuckle*

Go get some sleep while you can. And I'd better do the same. It's pushing 1 a.m. on this coast!

[piplover.livejournal.com]

Ick! Sleep, sleep! I've had insomnia for the past three weeks or so, so I'll probably be up for a while. But you need to rest!
Sweet dreams!

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

No caffeine for five hours before bedtime, no food for three. (water is okay.)

It helps, when I remember to do it anyway.

[marigoldg.livejournal.com]

My poor baby sister!! I so admire you, I hope that you know that : )

[piplover.livejournal.com]

Awwwww. I don't do anything special. I'm just one of the crazy few who signed up, that's all.
*Big hug!*
Is your day going better than yesterday?

[marigoldg.livejournal.com]

You are incredibly special, and don't you ever forget that : ) I admire you very much for doing what you are doing : )

The day is better, but I am a bit down...I am about to download the file that you sent me though, so maybe that will cheer me up! Have you done any more of Stoned Pippin?

I am going offline for a half hour because I am expecting a call, but I will check back, lol!

You do realise that my stickses will reach to Iraq?

[piplover.livejournal.com]

But of course! You reached me from the Shire, I would expect nothing less, lol!
I am glad that you are doing a bit better. And I haven't written much on Stoned Pippin yet. I think I am going to go to bed and start on it tomorrow.