Acts of kindness
Dec. 8th, 2013 08:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
piploverI've been sick all weekend, and missed church today because I felt too icky to go out in 10 F weather. But I've been thinking a lot over the past few days, probably due to Christmas and planning of my dad's celebration of life, about acts of kindness. Not large acts. Not grand gestures. Little things that can still change a person's day or make it bearable.
When my dad died, it was the worst day of my life. That week had been so stressful, and then when he passed, everything felt like it was crashing down on me. After we walked his body to the morgue to say our last goodbyes, my mom, brother and I had to go back to his flat to clean it and sort through his stuff. I was leaving the next day, and my mom and brother a few days after, so we didn't have time to really mourn.
We got back to his place around 2 or 3, I can't remember, and just dived in, cleaning up, boxing, sorting things. We didn't stop until nearly 11 that night. We hadn't eaten anything except for a hasty breakfast, and even though none of us were hungry, we knew we had to eat. So we went to Denny's.
The waitress greeted us and asked us how we were. I have never wanted to tell someone "This is the worst day of my life!" as badly as I did then, but we all just smiled as best we could and sat down. That waitress? She was amazing. She was gentle, and kind, and she teased us into eating more of our food than we thought we could. She gave us space, but kept an eye on us. She made having to be in public bearable, when all we wanted was to curl up and just cry.
The next morning, before we went back to the hospital to talk to the VA person about death benefits and tie up loose ends, we again went to Denny's. A different waitress greeted us. Like the one the night before, she was wonderful. She was kind, and gentle, and teased us just the right amount while still giving us our privacy.
Those two women will probably never know the effect they had on my family. But to me? They were lifesavers. They made a situation that was horrible a little better, and just by being kind.
I will always remember those two.
When I go to a store this holiday season, I'm going to smile at those bell ringers and wish them a happy Christmas. Because I won't give to the Salvation Army, but those people are just doing a job, and it's a miserable job and it's often thankless. I want to try to be that smiling face for someone when their world is falling down around them. I want to be the kind of person who adds kindness to this world, not more misery.
I guess what I'm trying to say, in my long, rambling style, is this: be kind to each other. Even when you're stressed, or miserable, or fretting about things. Be kind to the person next to you, because you don't know what they're going through, just like they don't know what you're experiencing. And your smile? May be the only thing that will get them through that day.
Be good to each other, and take care.
When my dad died, it was the worst day of my life. That week had been so stressful, and then when he passed, everything felt like it was crashing down on me. After we walked his body to the morgue to say our last goodbyes, my mom, brother and I had to go back to his flat to clean it and sort through his stuff. I was leaving the next day, and my mom and brother a few days after, so we didn't have time to really mourn.
We got back to his place around 2 or 3, I can't remember, and just dived in, cleaning up, boxing, sorting things. We didn't stop until nearly 11 that night. We hadn't eaten anything except for a hasty breakfast, and even though none of us were hungry, we knew we had to eat. So we went to Denny's.
The waitress greeted us and asked us how we were. I have never wanted to tell someone "This is the worst day of my life!" as badly as I did then, but we all just smiled as best we could and sat down. That waitress? She was amazing. She was gentle, and kind, and she teased us into eating more of our food than we thought we could. She gave us space, but kept an eye on us. She made having to be in public bearable, when all we wanted was to curl up and just cry.
The next morning, before we went back to the hospital to talk to the VA person about death benefits and tie up loose ends, we again went to Denny's. A different waitress greeted us. Like the one the night before, she was wonderful. She was kind, and gentle, and teased us just the right amount while still giving us our privacy.
Those two women will probably never know the effect they had on my family. But to me? They were lifesavers. They made a situation that was horrible a little better, and just by being kind.
I will always remember those two.
When I go to a store this holiday season, I'm going to smile at those bell ringers and wish them a happy Christmas. Because I won't give to the Salvation Army, but those people are just doing a job, and it's a miserable job and it's often thankless. I want to try to be that smiling face for someone when their world is falling down around them. I want to be the kind of person who adds kindness to this world, not more misery.
I guess what I'm trying to say, in my long, rambling style, is this: be kind to each other. Even when you're stressed, or miserable, or fretting about things. Be kind to the person next to you, because you don't know what they're going through, just like they don't know what you're experiencing. And your smile? May be the only thing that will get them through that day.
Be good to each other, and take care.
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Kindness to strangers
Date: 2013-12-09 09:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 01:00 pm (UTC)I was terribly sick myself, but did not want to leave her. I wanted to be there when (if) she woke up.
Everyone thought her seizure was my fault. Her blood levels were low, and they got the idea that I had been keeping her meds from her. Turned out she was just pretending to take them and throwing them away. Kids do that. They are little and they don't think like big people.
So she was in ICU. On the second night I was sitting with her, and a woman came in to mop the floors. I am not sure what I said, if anything. I probably just tried to get out of her way.
I am not sure what she saw on my face. This was peds ICU, I am sure she saw a lot of fear and misery in her mop rounds.
Anyway-- she put her mop down and left the room. I did not pay much attention. She came back with a cup of coffee. She handed it to me and said "I thought you'd like this." She touched my shoulder briefly, I think. Then she picked up her mop and left.
I will never forget that woman as long as I live.
My daughter recovered completely, and we figured out what happened. I eventually went down to the ER myself and got some antibiotics.
Anyway, that is my story.
I do know that feeling, when someone has died and you are looking at the world as if through a spyglass, and somehow cannot believe that out there people are still smiling and laughing, and you are stumbling and bleeding, but nobody can see.
Yes, be kind to yourself, as best you can. You are splendid, even if you can't feel it now.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 01:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 02:22 pm (UTC)(You could write a note to the manger of the Denny's praising the waitresses--they might like to hear that they made a difference--it might be too complicated to figure out, but if it's not.)
no subject
Date: 2013-12-09 10:51 pm (UTC)