Sigh

[piplover]

Feeling particularly ugly today.  I'm trying to use less makeup, and since the only people I interact with when I'm at work are others fellow employees, some of who wear their pajamas, lol, I thought I could do it.  But I feel so self conciouse, like everyone is looking at me and thinking how horrible I look.  Which I know is not the truth, and I have to keep reminding myself that.  But that's how it feels. Not even Thing 1 telling me how pretty I am and that I'm beautiful to him helps.  Because a small part of me that wants to just hide in the corner thinks that no one should find me beautiful.  

A big part is the scars.  I never appreciated my complexion before I got all scarred up, and now it's all I can think about.  If I'm not wearing makup to cover them up, I feel like everyone must be staring at me.  And even when I wear makeup, I know people can still see that.

A lot of this is just a mental block I have to try and get through, but I can't help feeling like the only way I can be pretty again is if I put on a sack to cover my weight and a veil over my face.  Sigh.