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Mar. 17th, 2004 04:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
piploverHave you ever had a time in your life where all the strength seems to have been sucked right out of you? When even getting up is a chore, and things that you loved doing don't even matter any more?
I was told today that in recent weeks my attitude has dropped, and I need a seriouse adjustment. They're right, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.
I have been thinking of getting tattoo, even though I have none now and am rather scared of the needle. It would be the kanji for Hope, on my shoulder. That way I can never loose it. Because I feel that I am loosing it now, and it scares me.
I have only felt this way once before, the first time I found out I was sick and was waiting for the results. I hated the person I became, grumpy, scared, and mean to all around me. My friends should be awarded for their patience and putting up with me.
But now my friends are all in Iraq or Kuwait, and my Fiance is in Germany. I am on my own for this, and that scares me too. I refuse to become the nasty person I was before, and mean to fight this lethargy with all my might. I am scared, and tired, and finding it hard to be hopeful right now, but I am sure I will get over it.
So, I am going to do what I should have done the last time. I am going to write my little fingers to the nubs, and put all that stuff inside me into our beloved characters and make them suffer right along with me. Misery loves company after all. And maybe by doing that it will make me put things in perspective. After all, I have to give the characters hope. And maybe I will find it along with them.
I was told today that in recent weeks my attitude has dropped, and I need a seriouse adjustment. They're right, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy it.
I have been thinking of getting tattoo, even though I have none now and am rather scared of the needle. It would be the kanji for Hope, on my shoulder. That way I can never loose it. Because I feel that I am loosing it now, and it scares me.
I have only felt this way once before, the first time I found out I was sick and was waiting for the results. I hated the person I became, grumpy, scared, and mean to all around me. My friends should be awarded for their patience and putting up with me.
But now my friends are all in Iraq or Kuwait, and my Fiance is in Germany. I am on my own for this, and that scares me too. I refuse to become the nasty person I was before, and mean to fight this lethargy with all my might. I am scared, and tired, and finding it hard to be hopeful right now, but I am sure I will get over it.
So, I am going to do what I should have done the last time. I am going to write my little fingers to the nubs, and put all that stuff inside me into our beloved characters and make them suffer right along with me. Misery loves company after all. And maybe by doing that it will make me put things in perspective. After all, I have to give the characters hope. And maybe I will find it along with them.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-17 03:32 pm (UTC)I wrote a story called "Quarantined", in which I gave Frodo everything I always longed for -- people in his life who, every moment, told and showed him that he was valued and treasured, and that people he thought were special, thought he was special. I really let it fly in Chapter 15, and when I read it, I can see that I revealed a lot about myself in that chapter.
The point is that we all write what we know, or write what we wish for, and writing fanfiction (especially with characters for whom we care deeply) is an amazingly effective way to give ourselves a voice. I think you should do exactly what you said -- give your characters hope, and let them inspire you.
*hugs*